sooooo high school

i read one of my friends blog just now, then i realised my life seems to stop at high school level. Perhaps it's because my maturity level have not inch even half an mm since 2005.

This is my final year at college. My life was very much of a routine for the past three years. No doubt that there's surprises now and then. Besides that, I'm still struggling with the same issues i did at high school. Homework, time constraint, alter ego, buried interest(hobbies), boring life, drama crave.

I just finished my progress test this morning. Only now did I realised that some of my friends have different views of life. Or shoould i say, living it as well.

Am i a problematic person. Silently, I felt so. When there's problem, all i wanted to do is to hide from it. I never actually resolve it. I buried myself into sands of inches deep. Six feet under. Tell me about it.

Personally, I don't think much people are like me. I'm definately in the confused area. Seems to lost my everything sometime ago. If my parents ever read this, I swear they will cry their hearts out. But I don't worry much cause they aren't gonna find out.

The most precious thing that i'd lost was me. Looking back to five years ago, I seem to have a totally different life. Very optimistic, dare to dream, less selfish(errr, maybe), confident,...very chengkuan.

Now, I felt like shunning myself even my own reflection. I'd turn into a horrible person. Throwing tantrum as I like. Making others' life miserable seems to top my list. The only thing that I had put my parents in concern is my non-flexible attitude. I had no idea about cooking, cleaning o even switching on the washing machine(imagine that? good)

If i ever get myself into trouble, i'm totally certified. I had goosebumps everytime i thought about it. My mum oftens asked,"What if I'm gone one day? How will you manage your life then?" "Then, don't. If you are not willing to let me screw up my life, don't leave," I said jokingly, realising how she put her life into a bore just to let us have a comfortable life.

Not mum alone, dad too. I'm sure that he has not been doing something that he enjoyed doing very much. Perhaps it's the way of how my parents live that i'm begining to question, "Are ther only four stages of life? Birth, growth, sick and death?"

I told myself that i wanted more for the people i truly cared about. More happiness, more comfort, more wonderful experience, more success, more moment of joy and bliss, morelove for them to live til their last breadth. But, will i be able to do that?

have u ever wonder?

my name is nobody...i don't really remember how old am I
Have you ever watched any MTV where someone was sitting still,
and everything is fast-forwarded?
If you have seen it,
Welcome to my life...

Sometimes it fell upon me that I had scripts,
Unwritten ones...
but who would read them?
How are others supposed to notice them?
when I'm just an invisible creature?

Dreams...
Sweet dreams?
I used to had one, conquering a field that my fiery passion lies
but, it's gone
broken into pieces...
More specifically, I smash it

THEY said one's act can affect 6 people...
then, whose decision affected mine?
Why my vision since then
seems to be one through tinted glass?
Have i ever wonder? Yes...no